It’s that time again when our masters require to know our condition that they may extrapolate from that knowledge to a future glazed with promise and showered with sprinkles. What is the first question for those that don’t have to put down their sandwich and cuppa soup to fill it with an horizontal stroke. Shelter? Four Door Saloon doesn’t have a slot here. It’s about the year of building and it begins with 1919 when this republic was a pup. Before that time Paudeen complained about landlordism, bitterly. He still does - why can’t I be one too? Three quarters of our cabinet are landlords so we can expect rentier heaven to continue. They, our tenants at will, can’t pay what we ask, well let us grant more money in aid to them that they may pay us. That’s basic economics.
More questions about rent, rooms at your disposal, including conservatories. If you’re going to be sick don’t do it in the orange tree tub.
Fuel, solar panels, wind turbines. Yes, on my island. Vehicles. Internet connection and type of device. Smart domestic appliance? My maid has degree from Vilnius.
Marriage has a slot. Married/Remarried/SameSex civil. Only two slots for sex. An outrage. Where do you usually live? At home like. Why would anybody tell the government this sort of information? More to the point why would you tell the census taker who probably knows you.
Ethnic group gets a section with the politically correct but deeply dopey ‘irish traveller’ as an option. Are you white, Black Irish or Black (pur sang) or Asian/Asian Irish. Octroon, Quadroon, 5 speed. D: Other including mixed group/background - Arabic, mixed (write in description), Other (write in description). There you have it. Still no room for the Coillte (kultee).
Religion if any. Usual categories from None to Other (write in your religion) Jedi Knight is not a religion. Jihadi will bring unwelcome attention.
Do you speak Irish/any other language other than English. How well do you speak English?
How is your health in general? Beo ar eigin. (barely alive) Do you smoke tobacco products? Education?
An Interesting Question: Do you provide regular unpaid personal help or support to a family member, neighbour or friend with a long term illness, health issue, an issue related to old age or disability?
I understand that they need to know what services they can cut, in these times of austerity. Linked to that but with a separate entry is childcare, paid/unpaid/childminder/au pair/creche etc. Again we need to get more women of the middle classes into employment, the conservatory must be paid for.
Doesn’t time fly.
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